• Understanding You

    I’m Faking It!

    All my life I wanted to be a fiction writer. I used to write fiction all the time and felt the need to try to get into fiction writing. I have learned that once I got into fiction class I wasn’t the best fiction writer. Let me tell you something… I gave my life to fiction. It was all I ever dreamed of and I thought that when I hit fiction class I was the bomb. I sat down in my uncomfortable wooden chair. I was ready for everyone to praise me for everything I did right. I was so excited for that moment to come. I sat with my…

  • Understanding You

    Drugs? Try Instagram!

    I want to tell a little story. Sit back and get ready for a ride. Can the real Instagram addicts please stand up? I know you’re out there somewhere because Instagram doesn’t have five stars on the app store for nothing #dude. Well, I know you won’t because you probably don’t think you’re addicted. You only check it every so often because that stupid alarm notified you that someone liked your selfie, Starbucks, or whatever half naked picture you posted to your private account. Or you just use it for work like every hair stylist located in a two block radius. Or maybe you don’t use it that much which…

  • Understanding You

    My Older Brother Hurt Me

    I don’t talk about my brother anymore. He stopped coming around when I was fifteen. I was content with that and so was my mom. My mom had never been a fan of him, but he never wanted to try with her. He only saw her as the woman married to our dad. She was more than that. She’s my mother and he never respected her. I believed he hated her. When he was younger he would do things to try to harm her. When he couldn’t harm her physically he would try to make our dad and my mom argue. He would tell lies to his mom to make…

  • Understanding You

    Sorry Me

    My mom was getting rid of some old letters and pictures when I came also a young picture of myself. My mom had walked away, while I was alone I looked at the pictures and kissed the smiling girl in her pretty outfit. I told her this, “what happened was not your fault. You were young and didn’t know what you were doing. I forgive you. God forgives you. I placed the picture down with tears forming in my eyes. I wasn’t wrong. For so long I blamed myself for things that happened in my past. As you get older you understand what you have done wrong in the past.…

  • Understanding You

    Being Stuck in Hurt

    When we are hurt a lot of the time we want to dwell in what hurt us. Even if no one wants to admit that they think about the negative, I will admit it. Over time I have become a negative person because I dwell so much in past hurts. I experienced a lot of trauma as a little girl. I have memories of things I would like to not remember. These events have affected the way I treat people and how I feel about myself. So I can honestly say that I’m stuck in my past hurt. I realized that if I’m stuck in hurt then I’m not healing.…

  • Understanding You

    Watching “Surviving R Kelly” As a Sexual Abuse Survivor

    I always thought that R Kelly was a sexual predator and felt that he needed to be convicted. The pain he caused women is unexplainable and for him to defend himself seemed futile. There is so much evidence against him. The pain that the women had experienced was something I knew all too well and the worse part is I knew their stories were not rare. Talking about sexual abuse takes a lot. Coming forward is the hardest part, but you would think it would be the easiest. A lot of self-blame and guilt comes along with remembering the abuse. When I was molested I didn’t realize that is what…

  • Understanding You

    My OCD Has Become a Crutch.

    I never wanted to think as my OCD as paralyzing, but it definitely happened. I leaned so much on my mental illness that I couldn’t move forward in life. Simple life tasks seemed hard because I refused to do them because of my OCD. My mom decided to be completely honest with me. Like any mother, she said what I needed to hear in love. I realized that my mental health was getting worse instead of better. The medication I’m taking didn’t seem to be working because I’m not letting it work. I was not getting better because I didn’t think I could. If I am being completely honest I…

  • Understanding You

    I’m An OCD Christian (This is What it is Like)

    Quite frankly as I have gone through my OCD problems I realized how hard my illness clashed with my faith. It was bad enough that I couldn’t stop worrying but at the same time, I prayed to a God I very much believed it. My OCD made our connect kind of weak, like very bad wifi. I went to church every week and listened to what God had to tell me, but at the same time, I couldn’t apply the information to myself. I wanted to fall into my compulsions and worries because to me it felt safer. Somehow safer wasn’t in the arms of The Lord. I felt bad…

  • Understanding You

    Talking is Healing

    In my family, we like to keep our problems to ourselves. It seems better to hide away and not talk about ourselves, but that isn’t the case. We hide because we are embarrassed about the things that have happened in our households. We try to cover the shame by trying to appear perfect all the time. What I am about to tell you is a fact, it’s impossible to be perfect. If perfection existed we wouldn’t have problems. I am learning this the hard way. As I understand my OCD, I learn that not everything can be controlled. Me my mom, my aunt, and my cousin all sat around at…