• Things That Bother Me Badly

    The Bathroom Policy

    It is an unspoken rule in my house to never use my bathroom. I really don’t know how the rule started, but it’s in place. People using my bathroom never bothered me when I was a kid. Maybe because I never cleaned it, my dad did. I just pooped, peed, showered and bathed. During family gatherings, people constantly bathed in my shower and used my toilet. I actually didn’t care at the time and wasn’t bothered by the increase of germs in the atmosphere. I ignored those thoughts for many years before we moved. This may have marked the beginning of “The Bathroom Policy” because after we moved into our…

  • Understanding You

    Why I’m Scared to Date!

    I have finally realized why I don’t date. It was kind of like an epiphany. I never felt good enough to date any man. This is weird because I have been asked out by many guys. It wasn’t that these guys weren’t attractive or that they were weird. I was actually the weird one. I feel like a child. I feel that I didn’t know how to be in a relationship. Well, the thing is that I don’t think anyone does. Relationships are complicated and about two people not just yourself. That’s the part I can’t move past. I’m still working on me. How can I deal with someone else…

  • Things I Like

    How to Feel Happy

    When you are feeling a little sad there is always a way to pick yourself up and pick a big smile on your face. First thing first, don’t ever put food into your mouth to feel happy. You don’t want the weight. I have been there and done that. I’m telling you the truth. Don’t do it. But every-so-often a cup of ice cream is good for the soul and I stand by that. But don’t eat it every day. Now since I have gotten that out of the way, let me tell you how I make myself feel better. For the past couple of nights, I have watched YouTube…

  • Understanding You

    I am my father.

    Everything that annoys me about my dad I tend to do to other people. I find it funny that I get annoyed with myself. There is no explanation for how that works. But I  know my dad and I always have to have our way. I can never again complain about the things he does wrong because I will do it and sometimes worse. He is more charming when he convinces people and I use all of my emotions. I can never deny DNA because everything he does I do too. So my complaints about my father make no sense because we are the share we just have different ways…

  • Understanding You

    My OCD Has Become a Crutch.

    I never wanted to think as my OCD as paralyzing, but it definitely happened. I leaned so much on my mental illness that I couldn’t move forward in life. Simple life tasks seemed hard because I refused to do them because of my OCD. My mom decided to be completely honest with me. Like any mother, she said what I needed to hear in love. I realized that my mental health was getting worse instead of better. The medication I’m taking didn’t seem to be working because I’m not letting it work. I was not getting better because I didn’t think I could. If I am being completely honest I…

  • Things That Bother Me Badly

    Bugs Make Me Anxious

    When I was a little girl my house was infested with roaches. This went on for about a few weeks or so. My parents tried to fix the situation themselves knowing little about how bad the infestation truly was. It had gotten so bad, that I had a roach crawl up my arm when I was brushing my teeth. I’ve never forgotten that. The whole situation traumatized me so bad that to this day I can’t kill a roach. I have to hype myself up to do it and even then I can’t do it. They are so ugly and crunchy. I hate the crunch and I hate picking them up. I…

  • A Day in the Life,  Dealing With Stress

    Night Showers Soothe My OCD

    When I wake up in the morning, the last thing on my mind is taking a shower. My eyes are still heavy with sleep and my mind is foggy, so showering is not something I want to do. If I shower in the morning I’m likely trying to wake up and that’ll take a while. If I have to go somewhere early I either have to wake up earlier or rush to bathe. I like to be clean so rushing to shower ain’t happening. So I don’t have to rush in the morning I take my time showering at night. I can stay in the shower as long as I…

  • Dealing With Stress,  Understanding You

    Mom Stress = My Stress

    When I was little I always paid attention to my mother when she cried. I never thought mommies could cry, but I learned at a young age. My mother’s pain was something I took on because I wanted my family to be perfect. If I took on her pain then I could understand her and help her get better. I know that I should not worry about my mother’s problems, but my OCD kicks in. I want a perfect family. When my mom is upset I feel as though the perfect family is falling apart. My mom is not good at hiding her feeling and I have watched her go…

  • A Day in the Life

    Destress During Christmas

    Christmas is supposed to be a joyous time, so stress should not be in your vocabulary.  If you are anything like me, you are thinking about everything you would want to do before the holiday is over. I like to see lights and go to shows and stuff. All this contributes to my OCD. I feel I must do everything to make Christmas special. Here’s the thing, Christmas will be special without all the activities we do, they are a bonus. If you are stressing on how to make Christmas special, stop. Spend time with those who matter and try to make the best memories. Try to make memorable memories…

  • Understanding You

    What it’s Like to Be Depressed During Christmas

    I never knew that I had depression until I was twenty-two years old. The year before I remember sitting in my bedroom with my big pretty Christmas tree and I was in my room thinking about dying. I couldn’t snap out of it. I figured it was my birth control, so I stopped taking it, I later found out it was not the cause. I couldn’t pinpoint why I was feeling so melancholy. It was the most joyful time of the year. I wasn’t going through anything, my family was in a great place and I had just finished the first quarter of my senior year. Christmas is more depressing…