• Understanding You

    Why I’m Scared to Date!

    I have finally realized why I don’t date. It was kind of like an epiphany. I never felt good enough to date any man. This is weird because I have been asked out by many guys. It wasn’t that these guys weren’t attractive or that they were weird. I was actually the weird one. I feel like a child. I feel that I didn’t know how to be in a relationship. Well, the thing is that I don’t think anyone does. Relationships are complicated and about two people not just yourself. That’s the part I can’t move past. I’m still working on me. How can I deal with someone else…

  • Understanding You

    I am my father.

    Everything that annoys me about my dad I tend to do to other people. I find it funny that I get annoyed with myself. There is no explanation for how that works. But I  know my dad and I always have to have our way. I can never again complain about the things he does wrong because I will do it and sometimes worse. He is more charming when he convinces people and I use all of my emotions. I can never deny DNA because everything he does I do too. So my complaints about my father make no sense because we are the share we just have different ways…

  • Understanding You

    My OCD Has Become a Crutch.

    I never wanted to think as my OCD as paralyzing, but it definitely happened. I leaned so much on my mental illness that I couldn’t move forward in life. Simple life tasks seemed hard because I refused to do them because of my OCD. My mom decided to be completely honest with me. Like any mother, she said what I needed to hear in love. I realized that my mental health was getting worse instead of better. The medication I’m taking didn’t seem to be working because I’m not letting it work. I was not getting better because I didn’t think I could. If I am being completely honest I…

  • Understanding You

    What it’s Like to Be Depressed During Christmas

    I never knew that I had depression until I was twenty-two years old. The year before I remember sitting in my bedroom with my big pretty Christmas tree and I was in my room thinking about dying. I couldn’t snap out of it. I figured it was my birth control, so I stopped taking it, I later found out it was not the cause. I couldn’t pinpoint why I was feeling so melancholy. It was the most joyful time of the year. I wasn’t going through anything, my family was in a great place and I had just finished the first quarter of my senior year. Christmas is more depressing…

  • A Day in the Life

    Don’t Look it Up

    As a person with OCD, I tend to look up a lot of things because I over think everything. This may not sound that bad but when you have a bump on your lip or your eye hurts you begin to panic. Panicking does nothing for you except put you in a world of worry. Worry causes you to spiral out of control. I’ve been there and I remember the suffering I caused myself. So here is my advice. Don’t look up your ailments on the internet; it’s not worth it. If you research the bump on your arm you will think you have cancer. The funny part is, it’s…

  • Dealing With Stress

    I Will Be Distant

    I live in a family when I’m not free to express my personality. Interestingly enough my family is very silly and playful, but my ways of being silly and playful are rejected. I’m an outcast in a sea of people I thought would understand me. But they don’t understand me and they don’t try to. They want me to understand them and help them. I don’t get the same respect that they want me to give. My family gives me headaches. I don’t want to continue getting headaches and stressed out, it’s not worth it. So I have decided. I will be distant. Why you ask? Because I can’t keep…

  • A Day in the Life

    What It’s Like to Have a Mental Breakdown On Thanks Giving. (Story Time)

    For one it’s embarrassing. Your crying and everyone is asking what’s wrong. You don’t want to tell them. You also don’t want to admit to your trigger. You absolutely don’t want to say someone hurt your feelings even if you caused them too. You don’t want to take responsibility. It hurts and it’s hard to get people to understand. If you’re like me the holidays bring back memories of trauma. I’ve had a lot of things happen to me around this time. I get really sensitive. It’s no fun and it’s no fun for people to see me cry. So when my dad and I go into it. I broke…

  • Understanding You

    Crazy Can Be Hereditary (A Family Full of Compulsions.)

    I am only one of my family members with OCD. I am the first to be diagnosed so this is how I am able to pinpoint it in the rest of my family. My family members do not suffer with OCD as bad as I do. I need to be on medicine because my thoughts and compulsions hinder my life. But some of the things my family does makes me think they might need to be on meds. I don’t think that any of my family really knew what OCD was until I was diagnosed. It only hit my mom a few weeks before my diagnosis. I did a lot…

  • Understanding You

    You’re Not OCD, You’re Organized

    One of my biggest pet peeves is to meet someone with OCD who doesn’t really have it. I realize that this miseducation comes from the lack of knowledge about what OCD is. OCD is not a cleaning disorder. If you like to keep your house organized and your pens straight do not think you’re OCD. I don’t know how the illness came to be known as the cleaning disease, but you can be OCD and be a complete slob. Yes, you heard it right. You can have OCD and not be clean. Some people with the disease are actually hoarders. It doesn’t help that pop-culture misinterprets with OCD is. If…

  • Things That Bother Me Badly,  Understanding You

    I’m Not A Snob. I Have OCD.

    I can’t explain myself anymore. People who don’t understand OCD don’t get why I turn up my nose at the sight of their dirty house. I can’t help but show my emotion on my face as I have to eat off of partly cleaned plates. I can’t get those thoughts out of my mind. I decide not to eat or to drink. I only keep to myself not wanting to hug or touch anyone. People get so offended. Unfortunately, these things are hard to explain to others. I know that it’s not really them, but they don’t know that. They don’t know that dirt on my skin irritates me. They…