• A Day in the Life,  Anxiety,  Dealing With Stress,  Things That Bother Me Badly

    Losing Hope in Yourself

    I listened to a sermon about hope. I never thought much about the word. I assumed that it was something that people relied on when they were in dire need. But hope was more than that. To have hope is to have a feeling of expectation of something to happen. Well, I didn’t know what I expected to happen within myself. I wanted to achieve so much in my life that I haven’t stopped to think when I was in the now.  I didn’t expect a lot of myself anymore because I kind of gave up. I did the one thing you’re never supposed to do. I broke the ultimate…

  • Uncategorized

    How I began to Understand My Late Night Snacking

    Recently I haven’t been able to sleep. Since I’ve been up I’ve been pacing downstairs in the kitchen thinking of things to write and what tasks I have to do next. All of this should be done during the day, but it’s not. I’m up working and it’s way past anyone’s bedtime. While I was up I began to get hungry and ended up making sushi at one in the morning. After midnight I should be tucked in my covers but I find it rather hard to fall asleep during that time. I get a random boost of energy around eleven o’clock anyway. I have tried some different sleep aids…

  • Understanding You

    Why I’m Scared to Date!

    I have finally realized why I don’t date. It was kind of like an epiphany. I never felt good enough to date any man. This is weird because I have been asked out by many guys. It wasn’t that these guys weren’t attractive or that they were weird. I was actually the weird one. I feel like a child. I feel that I didn’t know how to be in a relationship. Well, the thing is that I don’t think anyone does. Relationships are complicated and about two people not just yourself. That’s the part I can’t move past. I’m still working on me. How can I deal with someone else…

  • Understanding You

    Being Stuck in Hurt

    When we are hurt a lot of the time we want to dwell in what hurt us. Even if no one wants to admit that they think about the negative, I will admit it. Over time I have become a negative person because I dwell so much in past hurts. I experienced a lot of trauma as a little girl. I have memories of things I would like to not remember. These events have affected the way I treat people and how I feel about myself. So I can honestly say that I’m stuck in my past hurt. I realized that if I’m stuck in hurt then I’m not healing.…

  • A Day in the Life

    A Letter to Dee

    Names have been changed for privacy reasons. Dear Dee, I sometimes wonder how you are. I haven’t seen you since our high school graduation. You were always so gloomy and your mind adrift. I never thought about how you felt. I never cared until now. I treated you bad because I was annoyed that you always had problems in your life. I had never meant someone with so many issues. I remembered I told you “there is always something wrong with you.” I’m sorry for saying that. That was mean and uncalled for. You needed someone to listen and I didn’t want to. Kia listened to you, but she also…

  • Understanding You

    My OCD Has Become a Crutch.

    I never wanted to think as my OCD as paralyzing, but it definitely happened. I leaned so much on my mental illness that I couldn’t move forward in life. Simple life tasks seemed hard because I refused to do them because of my OCD. My mom decided to be completely honest with me. Like any mother, she said what I needed to hear in love. I realized that my mental health was getting worse instead of better. The medication I’m taking didn’t seem to be working because I’m not letting it work. I was not getting better because I didn’t think I could. If I am being completely honest I…

  • Things That Bother Me Badly

    Molestation Jokes Aren’t Funny. Period.

    I don’t know rather or not it’s the age difference but people over 45 see the world completely different than people under 45. Things don’t stick with them the same way. Or another way to put it they are not bothered by the same things younger people are. The #MeToo moment has became a big thing for a very obvious reason. Women are starting to speak up against sexual abuse. After being silent for years they finally have a voice. I am one of these women. So when someone makes a passive joke about molestation it bothers me. Because it’s not just a joke it is something that has happen…

  • Things That Bother Me Badly

    Bugs Make Me Anxious

    When I was a little girl my house was infested with roaches. This went on for about a few weeks or so. My parents tried to fix the situation themselves knowing little about how bad the infestation truly was. It had gotten so bad, that I had a roach crawl up my arm when I was brushing my teeth. I’ve never forgotten that. The whole situation traumatized me so bad that to this day I can’t kill a roach. I have to hype myself up to do it and even then I can’t do it. They are so ugly and crunchy. I hate the crunch and I hate picking them up. I…

  • A Day in the Life,  Dealing With Stress

    Night Showers Soothe My OCD

    When I wake up in the morning, the last thing on my mind is taking a shower. My eyes are still heavy with sleep and my mind is foggy, so showering is not something I want to do. If I shower in the morning I’m likely trying to wake up and that’ll take a while. If I have to go somewhere early I either have to wake up earlier or rush to bathe. I like to be clean so rushing to shower ain’t happening. So I don’t have to rush in the morning I take my time showering at night. I can stay in the shower as long as I…

  • Understanding You

    Letting Go of Old Friends

    Sometimes when you get older, you grow apart from certain things. For example, when you become a teenager, you no longer want to watch Sesame Street anymore (well maybe.) But you catch my drift. You start to have different tastes in food and different interest in tv. And sometimes, friends. Well recently, I had this friend I stopped talking to. We were close, but once I graduated from college, I had different plans for life and he didn’t really fit in it. I decided to start a business and help more people with my blog. He is not really moving, he is staying still. I used to think it was…