• Understanding You

    I’m Scared to Date!

    I have finally realized why I don’t date. It was kind of like an epiphany. I never felt good enough to date any man. This is weird because I have been asked out by many guys. It wasn’t that these guys weren’t attractive or that they were weird. I was actually the weird one. I feel like a child. I feel that I didn’t know how to be in a relationship. Well, the thing is that I don’t think anyone does. Relationships are complicated and about two people not just yourself. That’s the part I can’t move past. I’m still working on me. How can I deal with someone else…

  • A Day in the Life

    Trying Small Groups Again

    I have been going to my church for almost two years. I have interacted with some people, but I’m not, sure enough, people know my name. I wanted to be the person that people knew, but I had to interact with people. I really didn’t know how to do that. I would have to go to events, but even then I didn’t know who to hang out with. The people I knew were already in cliques. It was the problem that everyone faces when in a social gathering. The best way is to just try to hang out with people, but it just seemed weird. So my church gave the…

  • Understanding You

    My Older Brother Hurt Me

    I don’t talk about my brother anymore. He stopped coming around when I was fifteen. I was content with that and so was my mom. My mom had never been a fan of him, but he never wanted to try with her. He only saw her as the woman married to our dad. She was more than that. She’s my mother and he never respected her. I believed he hated her. When he was younger he would do things to try to harm her. When he couldn’t harm her physically he would try to make our dad and my mom argue. He would tell lies to his mom to make…

  • Things I Like

    How to Feel Happy

    When you are feeling a little sad there is always a way to pick yourself up and pick a big smile on your face. First thing first, don’t ever put food into your mouth to feel happy. You don’t want the weight. I have been there and done that. I’m telling you the truth. Don’t do it. But every-so-often a cup of ice cream is good for the soul and I stand by that. But don’t eat it every day. Now since I have gotten that out of the way, let me tell you how I make myself feel better. For the past couple of nights, I have watched YouTube…

  • Understanding You

    Sorry Me

    My mom was getting rid of some old letters and pictures when I came also a young picture of myself. My mom had walked away, while I was alone I looked at the pictures and kissed the smiling girl in her pretty outfit. I told her this, “what happened was not your fault. You were young and didn’t know what you were doing. I forgive you. God forgives you. I placed the picture down with tears forming in my eyes. I wasn’t wrong. For so long I blamed myself for things that happened in my past. As you get older you understand what you have done wrong in the past.…

  • Understanding You

    I am my father.

    Everything that annoys me about my dad I tend to do to other people. I find it funny that I get annoyed with myself. There is no explanation for how that works. But I  know my dad and I always have to have our way. I can never again complain about the things he does wrong because I will do it and sometimes worse. He is more charming when he convinces people and I use all of my emotions. I can never deny DNA because everything he does I do too. So my complaints about my father make no sense because we are the share we just have different ways…

  • Understanding You

    Being Stuck in Hurt

    When we are hurt a lot of the time we want to dwell in what hurt us. Even if no one wants to admit that they think about the negative, I will admit it. Over time I have become a negative person because I dwell so much in past hurts. I experienced a lot of trauma as a little girl. I have memories of things I would like to not remember. These events have affected the way I treat people and how I feel about myself. So I can honestly say that I’m stuck in my past hurt. I realized that if I’m stuck in hurt then I’m not healing.…

  • Things I Like

    If You Can’t Say it, then Record it!

    I never realized how important YouTube is to my writing until I started recording again. I record what I think and then write it in a simplified way. I had started YouTube, stopped and then started again. Finally, I’m on track I find it relaxing to be able to just say what I want without having to think too hard about it. Yes, as a writer I think really think hard about what I what to convey to my readers. Sometimes, I can’t write it, I just need to say it. I’m not camera shy. I have never been one to hide my face, there is no reason to. I…

  • A Day in the Life

    A Letter to Dee

    Names have been changed for privacy reasons. Dear Dee, I sometimes wonder how you are. I haven’t seen you since our high school graduation. You were always so gloomy and your mind adrift. I never thought about how you felt. I never cared until now. I treated you bad because I was annoyed that you always had problems in your life. I had never meant someone with so many issues. I remembered I told you “there is always something wrong with you.” I’m sorry for saying that. That was mean and uncalled for. You needed someone to listen and I didn’t want to. Kia listened to you, but she also…

  • Healthy Living,  Understanding You

    Experiencing the Daniel Fast

    The Daniel Fast is something my mom partakes in every year and for the past six years, I have avoided it. I have fasted before for one or two days. I only drank water during those times. Other times I have only eaten after twelve or after three. So fasting is nothing new to me. So you’re probably wondering why haven’t I’ve done this particular fast? Well… The Daniel Fast is completely different than other fasts because it lasts for twenty-one days. During this time, you are only allowed to eat food that comes from the ground. That means no animals or animal by-products. So it’s vegan, right? No! It’s…