• Dealing With Stress,  Understanding You

    I’m Not Stressed

    For the first time in months, I am not feeling like I’m going to explode from the inside out. I have been stressed out my entire life trying to do everything at once. I have put standards on myself that are hard to upkeep. I didn’t know what it’s like to breathe, but I do now.  I always thought that it was something that people who were established did. I couldn’t enjoy life because I needed to be established. I’m learning to live and let live. I know that I’m not letting anyone down except myself. If I continue to put high standards on myself I feel I would have…

  • Dealing With Stress,  Understanding You

    Ask Him Questions

    I sat next to my small group leader in an aluminum chair listening to young women share their experiences living in Christ. I remember when I first got saved I felt invincible. There was nothing that could touch me because my BFF was Jesus Christ. Everything was amazing, my friends all went to church and they were on board, life was easy. It’s hard for me to say great because I did meet resistance. Not everyone had a positive experience being a Christian. I learned this years later going through college and meeting people who were scarred from past wounds of losing someone or feeling as though God had failed…

  • Understanding You

    Why I’m Scared to Date!

    I have finally realized why I don’t date. It was kind of like an epiphany. I never felt good enough to date any man. This is weird because I have been asked out by many guys. It wasn’t that these guys weren’t attractive or that they were weird. I was actually the weird one. I feel like a child. I feel that I didn’t know how to be in a relationship. Well, the thing is that I don’t think anyone does. Relationships are complicated and about two people not just yourself. That’s the part I can’t move past. I’m still working on me. How can I deal with someone else…

  • Understanding You

    My Older Brother Hurt Me

    I don’t talk about my brother anymore. He stopped coming around when I was fifteen. I was content with that and so was my mom. My mom had never been a fan of him, but he never wanted to try with her. He only saw her as the woman married to our dad. She was more than that. She’s my mother and he never respected her. I believed he hated her. When he was younger he would do things to try to harm her. When he couldn’t harm her physically he would try to make our dad and my mom argue. He would tell lies to his mom to make…

  • Understanding You

    Sorry Me

    My mom was getting rid of some old letters and pictures when I came also a young picture of myself. My mom had walked away, while I was alone I looked at the pictures and kissed the smiling girl in her pretty outfit. I told her this, “what happened was not your fault. You were young and didn’t know what you were doing. I forgive you. God forgives you. I placed the picture down with tears forming in my eyes. I wasn’t wrong. For so long I blamed myself for things that happened in my past. As you get older you understand what you have done wrong in the past.…

  • Understanding You

    I am my father.

    Everything that annoys me about my dad I tend to do to other people. I find it funny that I get annoyed with myself. There is no explanation for how that works. But I  know my dad and I always have to have our way. I can never again complain about the things he does wrong because I will do it and sometimes worse. He is more charming when he convinces people and I use all of my emotions. I can never deny DNA because everything he does I do too. So my complaints about my father make no sense because we are the share we just have different ways…

  • Understanding You

    Being Stuck in Hurt

    When we are hurt a lot of the time we want to dwell in what hurt us. Even if no one wants to admit that they think about the negative, I will admit it. Over time I have become a negative person because I dwell so much in past hurts. I experienced a lot of trauma as a little girl. I have memories of things I would like to not remember. These events have affected the way I treat people and how I feel about myself. So I can honestly say that I’m stuck in my past hurt. I realized that if I’m stuck in hurt then I’m not healing.…

  • Healthy Living,  Understanding You

    Experiencing the Daniel Fast

    The Daniel Fast is something my mom partakes in every year and for the past six years, I have avoided it. I have fasted before for one or two days. I only drank water during those times. Other times I have only eaten after twelve or after three. So fasting is nothing new to me. So you’re probably wondering why haven’t I’ve done this particular fast? Well… The Daniel Fast is completely different than other fasts because it lasts for twenty-one days. During this time, you are only allowed to eat food that comes from the ground. That means no animals or animal by-products. So it’s vegan, right? No! It’s…

  • Understanding You

    Watching “Surviving R Kelly” As a Sexual Abuse Survivor

    I always thought that R Kelly was a sexual predator and felt that he needed to be convicted. The pain he caused women is unexplainable and for him to defend himself seemed futile. There is so much evidence against him. The pain that the women had experienced was something I knew all too well and the worse part is I knew their stories were not rare. Talking about sexual abuse takes a lot. Coming forward is the hardest part, but you would think it would be the easiest. A lot of self-blame and guilt comes along with remembering the abuse. When I was molested I didn’t realize that is what…

  • Understanding You

    My OCD Has Become a Crutch.

    I never wanted to think as my OCD as paralyzing, but it definitely happened. I leaned so much on my mental illness that I couldn’t move forward in life. Simple life tasks seemed hard because I refused to do them because of my OCD. My mom decided to be completely honest with me. Like any mother, she said what I needed to hear in love. I realized that my mental health was getting worse instead of better. The medication I’m taking didn’t seem to be working because I’m not letting it work. I was not getting better because I didn’t think I could. If I am being completely honest I…