• Understanding You

    I’m Scared of Men

    All my life I had this underlying fear that one day I was going to be molested by any man I was close to and even strangers. I used to think I was weird because at a young age all my thought revolved around sex. But due to my traumatic life events that made sense. As I began to heal and understand how my sexual abuse affected my life certain fears have resurfaced in my head. I know that I’m not weird, but I’m scarred and it’s hard to erase that. I’m not scared of men to where I can’t talk to them. I have great conversations with everyone I…

  • A Day in the Life,  Understanding You

    I’m a Loner

    I’m a loner. I’ve been this way for a while and it may come as a surprise to most people. I only ever talk to people when I’m in social settings. When I was in college I talked to people every day. It was also to help to keep away the drama and to stay entertained. But once I got out of school I didn’t want to talk to people anymore. I thought I wanted friends. I really thought hanging out with people would help, but I find myself wanting to go home or not wanting to hang out at all. I like my time and being in a place…

  • Understanding You

    I’m Faking It!

    All my life I wanted to be a fiction writer. I used to write fiction all the time and felt the need to try to get into fiction writing. I have learned that once I got into fiction class I wasn’t the best fiction writer. Let me tell you something… I gave my life to fiction. It was all I ever dreamed of and I thought that when I hit fiction class I was the bomb. I sat down in my uncomfortable wooden chair. I was ready for everyone to praise me for everything I did right. I was so excited for that moment to come. I sat with my…

  • Understanding You

    Drugs? Try Instagram!

    I want to tell a little story. Sit back and get ready for a ride. Can the real Instagram addicts please stand up? I know you’re out there somewhere because Instagram doesn’t have five stars on the app store for nothing #dude. Well, I know you won’t because you probably don’t think you’re addicted. You only check it every so often because that stupid alarm notified you that someone liked your selfie, Starbucks, or whatever half naked picture you posted to your private account. Or you just use it for work like every hair stylist located in a two block radius. Or maybe you don’t use it that much which…

  • A Day in the Life,  Understanding You

    Music to My Ears

    I remember when I was a kid I always had one song stuck in my head. For the life of me I can’t remember where I was when I first heard it. The memories I have are false. I found that out through looking up when the song first came out, 2006. The memory I recall comes from 2005. That’s a year difference. In 2005 and 2006 I lived in two different houses. I always wanted to hold on to this memory because it was so positive and fun, but knowing that I had fabricated it made me upset. Memories are weird because depending on the details what you recall…

  • Dealing With Stress,  Understanding You

    I’m Not Stressed

    For the first time in months, I am not feeling like I’m going to explode from the inside out. I have been stressed out my entire life trying to do everything at once. I have put standards on myself that are hard to upkeep. I didn’t know what it’s like to breathe, but I do now.  I always thought that it was something that people who were established did. I couldn’t enjoy life because I needed to be established. I’m learning to live and let live. I know that I’m not letting anyone down except myself. If I continue to put high standards on myself I feel I would have…

  • Dealing With Stress,  Understanding You

    Ask Him Questions

    I sat next to my small group leader in an aluminum chair listening to young women share their experiences living in Christ. I remember when I first got saved I felt invincible. There was nothing that could touch me because my BFF was Jesus Christ. Everything was amazing, my friends all went to church and they were on board, life was easy. It’s hard for me to say great because I did meet resistance. Not everyone had a positive experience being a Christian. I learned this years later going through college and meeting people who were scarred from past wounds of losing someone or feeling as though God had failed…

  • Understanding You

    Why I’m Scared to Date!

    I have finally realized why I don’t date. It was kind of like an epiphany. I never felt good enough to date any man. This is weird because I have been asked out by many guys. It wasn’t that these guys weren’t attractive or that they were weird. I was actually the weird one. I feel like a child. I feel that I didn’t know how to be in a relationship. Well, the thing is that I don’t think anyone does. Relationships are complicated and about two people not just yourself. That’s the part I can’t move past. I’m still working on me. How can I deal with someone else…

  • Understanding You

    My Older Brother Hurt Me

    I don’t talk about my brother anymore. He stopped coming around when I was fifteen. I was content with that and so was my mom. My mom had never been a fan of him, but he never wanted to try with her. He only saw her as the woman married to our dad. She was more than that. She’s my mother and he never respected her. I believed he hated her. When he was younger he would do things to try to harm her. When he couldn’t harm her physically he would try to make our dad and my mom argue. He would tell lies to his mom to make…

  • Understanding You

    Sorry Me

    My mom was getting rid of some old letters and pictures when I came also a young picture of myself. My mom had walked away, while I was alone I looked at the pictures and kissed the smiling girl in her pretty outfit. I told her this, “what happened was not your fault. You were young and didn’t know what you were doing. I forgive you. God forgives you. I placed the picture down with tears forming in my eyes. I wasn’t wrong. For so long I blamed myself for things that happened in my past. As you get older you understand what you have done wrong in the past.…