I worked on a job I hated for a few months. The pay wasn’t bad, but the workload was a bit much and it seemed almost every day something changed. It wasn’t like this in the beginning, but eventually, it was, and I found myself struggling to keep up. After having a few conversations with my editor, I realized that I was inefficient even though I was trying my hardest.
There is one thing for your boss to tell you to work harder, there is another thing for them to call you inefficient, even if they hint at it. So, I did the only thing I knew how to do. I began to stress out to the point that I became even more inefficient. I couldn’t get anything done without overthinking everything. I was worried about spending too much time doing assignments.
As I stressed, I pulled my hair. I first started pulling from my edges, then I started pulling from my ends. I knew I was doing, but at the same time, I didn’t know. I put my hair in a bonnet to stop me from pulling my hair, but it didn’t help. I neglected my hair and put it in the bonnet with no oils. I only combed it through when I went somewhere, and I didn’t go many places. To prevent me from pulling my hair more I got my mom to braid my hair in cornrows. This did nothing for me because I pulled my hair in the braids, ripping strands from my scalp. I broke off a lot of my hair.
Later I stunk into a depression that was hard to get out of. I worked because I had to. I was out of it and the last thing I was worried about was my hair. When my mom told me she had to cut my hair I wasn’t surprised. I knew that she was counting off most of my hair, but I didn’t mind. I was thinking about everything else in my life that seemed to be going out of whack.
I knew my hair was going to grow back like it always does. I had had haircuts my entire life and that was consistent. What I wasn’t sure about was rather or not my mental health could handle the stress. I have learned no job is worth me lying in bed for days trying to get mentally healthy again. So, I quit my job. I got a haircut. I am trying to be well.
The haircut actually suits me so I’m not mad at it.