Communication is key and is also the hardest thing to do in a relationship. For the longest time, I kept my OCD feelings to myself. I was scared of what people were going to think of me. Even though I have conquered a lot of my OCD feelings some of them have yet to change. I hate having to explain myself because the reactions I get from others are more hurtful than the feelings themselves.
When you are suffering from OCD the worse thoughts are going through your head. The worse part is that some of my thoughts I couldn’t even say out loud because of what they were.
As I sat in the car with my mother and she assured me that she has crazy thoughts too, I learned something I had never recognized before. Some thoughts are not your own thoughts, but the Devil trying to get you off track.
As a Christian woman I had hoped to recognize this earlier, but I didn’t. This does not make me a bad Christian, but it did make me think about my relationship with God.
I, like many other people, pray when everything is going well or when I am in severe pain like I was a month ago. I felt ashamed of my thoughts and actions and making my family have to see me in such a horrible state.
When I got home I was desperate to pray. I felt bad for not praying enough. I thought to myself, if I did pray more, would my breakdown and my shame still have taken place? The short answer to that is no, but it makes you really think of the importance of God.
As Christians we had to take God out of the box we kept Him in. The box I had Him in was smaller than the box where I keep my Tiffany jewelry. I’m realizing that it is stupid for me to think I can make it on my own strength because I haven’t been successful at it before.
I’m going to take God out of the box and let Him lose. He does better when He is not restricted.