Dwelling, Dwelling, Dwell, Dwell

As the holidays roll in, everything that I thought I was over, came back at me full force. I believe that this happened because traumatic incidents happened to me during this time. But traumatic incidents happened to me throughout the year, so it makes no sense for me to be so freaked out now.

The holidays can bring the worse out of us and sometimes we can’t pinpoint why. I think for me, I try so hard to make Christmas perfect that it brings out my OCD in its worse form. I feel as though if I am not dressed right, or always thinking about Christmas in the most positive way every second, then I must be a scrooge.

Part of this is because Christmas is my all-time favorite holiday, so if it is not perfect, I feel like I ‘m doing it wrong. I can’t do Christmas wrong, but there is no way to do Christmas right either.

I recall when my mom told me that I wasn’t in the Christmas spirit because I wasn’t smiling and singing Christmas carols all day. I took that to heart and dwelled on it a couple of years later and now here I am still thinking about it.

Dwelling on the past will not make my current holiday season perfect. The only outcome of dwelling on the past is for me to fall back into my old ways and I don’t want to do that. I want to change and change comes with making different decisions.

I don’t always have to think about Christmas twenty-four seven to be considered in the Christmas spirit. I can just do me and think about Christmas twenty-three hours a day.

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