All my life I wanted to be a fiction writer. I used to write fiction all the time and felt the need to try to get into fiction writing. I have learned that once I got into fiction class I wasn’t the best fiction writer.
Let me tell you something…
I gave my life to fiction. It was all I ever dreamed of and I thought that when I hit fiction class I was the bomb. I sat down in my uncomfortable wooden chair. I was ready for everyone to praise me for everything I did right.
I was so excited for that moment to come. I sat with my notebook open and my pen in hand ready to write down all my compliments. My professor explained my story to the class and then proceeded to tear it into shreds.
My heart felt as though it was being squeezed. I didn’t have the heart to listen when he pointed out all my flaws. I didn’t know I could have so many. I thought when it can to fiction I was perfect, but I realized that I wasn’t.
Everything that I worked for, everything I came to school for seemed for nothing. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to write anymore. I only decided to write for my class assignments, but as for pleasure, I was done.
I felt lost. I realized that I wasn’t as good as I thought. That really hurt me because I dreamed of being a fiction writer, but I wasn’t good at it. Now, this isn’t the first time I’ve felt disappointed.
But I had to come back to reality. I was finding out the truth about myself. The next quarter I had to take nonfiction. I dreaded wanting to write the truth. My truth was boring and nonfiction was boring. Like who wants to read the truth?
As I began to write about my life I began to have fun. My desire to write started to come back. I couldn’t help it, but I fell in love with nonfiction writing. I didn’t think I could possibly write pages about my life but it came easier and easier.
My desire for creating fiction vanished and that bothered me, but I learned something along the way. Ever since I started writing fiction, I was doing it to impress other people. I never did it because I wanted to tell a cool story.
Here’s the thing, when you do stuff for other people, you never truly enjoy it. You force yourself to do it. The recognition isn’t great enough to keep faking it because I was faking it.
I had never written a story because I loved the characters and have been working on it for years. I wrote to get recognition and to get A’s. Once I got those things I found it hard to write fiction just for the mere pleasure of it.
It hurt my soul at first, but I realized that am not a fiction writer. As you get older your life interests change. I had it happen to me even though I swore it never would. As you get older your interests change. Not only that, but you find out what you are really good at.
These life changes shouldn’t be taken as bad things. I’m not less than a writer because I’m not a great fiction writer. I am just a different type of writer. As you grow into your older self you change and change isn’t a bad thing.
Change can be good. You should embrace what life has in store for you instead of dwelling what you can’t have. It’s funny. I’ve grown to love writing about myself.