I always thought that R Kelly was a sexual predator and felt that he needed to be convicted. The pain he caused women is unexplainable and for him to defend himself seemed futile. There is so much evidence against him.
The pain that the women had experienced was something I knew all too well and the worse part is I knew their stories were not rare. Talking about sexual abuse takes a lot. Coming forward is the hardest part, but you would think it would be the easiest.
A lot of self-blame and guilt comes along with remembering the abuse. When I was molested I didn’t realize that is what happened to me. I thought what I went through was normal.
The women in the documentary described similar feelings. You don’t think it can happen to you or you think that isn’t what it is. But the sad part is the truth and it’s hard to take it in.
When I understood what I went through was sexual abuse it made sense to me. The things that I went through required me to do a lot of hiding and lying. If what I was going through was normal then I shouldn’t have felt such guilt. I should have been able to talk about it.
The reason why it is hard to talk about the abuse is that shame comes along with it. This is not always caused by people, but by ourselves. There is that feeling as if you have done something wrong even though you have never done anything wrong at all. This feeling is hard to get rid of and sometimes it takes a little while to finally say it’s not your fault.
Watching the documentary confirmed that survivors feel this way and I’m not the only one. Those are lies, you are never the only one. Many people have experienced sexual abuse and are healing. I hope the best for them and the best for me too.