If I were to rank my compulsions hand washing would be at the very top. I wash my hands more than twenty times a day and most of the times are unnecessary. Washing your hands too much removes the good germs from your skin. Actually, you need the bad germs too.
My hands don’t feel clean unless I have them in clean water and soap. The water was to be burning hot. I need for my hands to feel clean so that I won’t have that tingly feeling on my hands. It’s a feeling that happens when I touch something I feel is unclean.
I’m sure everything is unclean, but in my mind, it’s easier to decipher what is what. That’s the thing about OCD, it makes no sense. OCD is illogical and no one understands it, but the person diagnosed with it.
I have tried over and over to try to explain how I feel to other people, but I can’t do it without them arguing back that it makes no sense. I don’t want it to make sense. I was to soothe the tingling feeling in my skin. If I have to wash my hands I will. But I know that it’s wrong. My hands are always dry, but I always have lotion.