I don’t like going to crowded places. This is mainly because of parking. I hate going somewhere and not knowing where to park. Everything in my body goes up. My anxiety is off the chain and I can’t focus on anything else but that one thing. It makes fun event downtown kind of not fun until twenty minutes into the event. Believe it or not. I get just as stressed out as when someone else is behind the wheel. If I don’t know if I can park or not, I don’t want to go. That harsh feeling in my chest and that heavyweight in my brain is not worth it.
I remember when I was nineteen years old I went out to eat with my friends. I parked in an area my friend told me was okay. But I couldn’t shake this feeling that it wasn’t. When I returned to my car to move it. I had a boot on my wheel. It took seventy-five dollars to remove. I never trusted him with parking again. Now where we go places I ask about parking. I don’t care about walking, so if I have to walk far, so be it. It’s the worst having those traumatic events.
While you’re in the moment you can only think about the horror of what is going on. My bestie offered to buy me dessert to make up for his mistake, but I knew it was also mine. I had to deal with mistrusting other people in areas they are not familiar with. One of the things I have learned is everyone makes mistakes. This might be hard to understand. No person is perfect. Every time you make a mistake you learn a little about life. Mistakes are not to be internalized and remembered of how foolish you were, they are to help you grow and understand how to do better next time. This was a learning curve for me. In all actuality it still is. I believe that everything has to be done right the first time, but that’s impossible.
What is possible is to do your best and try not to break down every time something goes south. My mom calls it “talking yourself off the ledge.” At first, it doesn’t make sense but as you apply it to your thinking it becomes easier each time.