My worse compulsion is cleaning. I know we all have to clean to keep our houses and cars clean, but for most people, it’s a necessary evil. I find it to be more than that, cleaning for me is like breathing. Well maybe not that bad, but I do it a lot. I may do it a little too much. My cleaning is very obvious especially after guests leave. Guests raise my anxiety because to me they bring in certain things to the house that weren’t there before. I clean to get my house back to the cleanliness before they showed up.
The bad part about falling into your compulsions is that it can affect everyone, not just you. My mom loves that I clean. She hates why I do it. If I cleaned because I loved a clean house that would be one thing, but to clean because of compulsions is a whole new thing. If I fall into my compulsions that means that I’m not coping. For me coping is hard. I hate to think of all the dirt and germs that are around that I can’t rid of. I will literally wake up every hour of the night thinking about it. I will even dream about it. It’s hard for me not to clean.
But my cleaning compulsion is only caused by guests. I don’t do this as much on a regular day. I do like seeing people, but not in my house. I know that may sound bad, but it’s the truth. I’m better off visiting you. Although cleaning makes me feel better, it’s only for a certain amount of time before guests come for another reason.
So what to do about the compulsion? Well, I’ll have to stop cleaning. For me, that is the hardest thing in the universe. It will hurt my soul but I will stop. Stop compulsive cleaning. The house can’t be dirty.
Do you have compulsions? Comment below.