When I’m in my emotions, I cry, pull at my hair, and try to let everyone know that I am upset. Over time I have had several inches cut off my hair because I pull at my ends. My hair pulling mainly happens when I’m stressed. Stress causes me to make my hair shorter. My hair and I are besties, so I hate to see it look bad because of something I did. If you didn’t know this, I have long hair, so it can sometimes be traumatizing to cut off several inches. When I’m not touching my hair, I’m touching and picking at my face. I switch bad habits depending on which one I want to do that day. If I’m not doing those two things, I’m shoving food into my mouth causing the scale to go off the charts.
I don’t know which one is worse, emotional eating or breaking off my hair. Each causes me to have to make a huge lifestyle change. I know my hair will grow back, the same way I will lose weight, but these things take time. Unlike many people, I don’t recover the same. I dwell and beat myself up over things I’ve done wrong. I will go over in my head again and again. I think what I should have done to prevent it from happening again. But once something is done, it’s done and you can’t change it. Unfortunately, that is OCD, obsessing over what I can no longer control.
It hurts me to think that I have ruined something on myself because I was stressed out. I know I should be coping, but it’s hard to do when every thought in the universe is roaming through my head. I don’t want to stay like this and I also want my hair.